英语作业~~~~~~

db1026

To My Darling

When the sun don't shine
When the kite can't fly
When all the happiness pass by
I sit here and sadly cry

When you don't tell me lies
When you once again take my hands
and look into my eyes
I know you are no longer mine

Finally,we have to set ourselves free
Love is nothing but hurt without reasons
So,say "Goodbye"
Without you by my side
I believe I can fly up high

不晓得写得咋样，各位大人鉴定一下，要得不？

[ 本帖最后由 db1026 于 2007-11-3 18:37 编辑 ]

RubyMoss

原帖由 db1026 于 2007-11-3 18:35 发表
To My Darling

When the sun don't shine
When the kite can't fly
When all the happiness pass by
I sit here and sadly cry

When you don't tell me lies
When you once again take my hands
and look ...

我做了小小的改动，不知你觉得怎么样



When the sun no longer shines
When the Kites no longer can fly
When all happiness fading away
Sitting here, I am crying in silence

When you tell me no lies
When you, one again, holding my hands and looking into my eyes...

db1026

是不是no longer太多了?
我以前就是这么写的,后来改了.
不过When all happiness fading away这句多好的.谢了.
老师叫我们写诗作纪念,我就这么写了哦:em01 :em01

小小drizzly

其实我认同ruby的，还是改成no longer比较好，tell me no lies 也比用don't tell me lies 好一些。em31

小桥流水

感觉如果把  goodbye  改成 farewell 会更有诗意一点

或者那句改成   so long  , farewell

mithriel

的确，从你诗的语意上来看，Ruby的改法更准确接近句子的语境。

TO 小桥：用goodbye是为了押韵啊～呵呵

yanghl0419

为啥要写情诗啊~~~~~~

em17

db1026

大人,就不允许我想去英国留学的哥哥咯?
人家两年后才回国,我要等到高考毕业啊.
抒发一下思念之情啊.em14 em14 em14

yanghl0419

这么可怜啊啊啊~~~~~~~~

em17

小桥流水

汗。。。。其实我觉得 Farewell也很压韵。。。。。

RubyMoss

原帖由 db1026 于 2007-11-3 18:35 发表


Finally,we have to set ourselves free
Love is nothing but hurt without reasons
So,say "Goodbye"
Without you by my side
I believe I can fly up high

Finally, I have to let go of your hands
because all we have left here is pain
So I say farewell my love
Without the string
I will be free, flying high
(注：fly up 有完全不同的用法，所以还是不要用在这里比较好。 ）

小小drizzly

嗯嗯，还是ruby姐会改~应该去当英语老师~~

RubyMoss

原帖由 小小drizzly 于 2007-11-4 17:58 发表
嗯嗯，还是ruby姐会改~应该去当英语老师~~

哈哈!不敢当,我去当英文老师,还不残害幼苗.

db1026

貌似有韵味多了哦.我也觉得Ruby姐该去当老师哦

RubyMoss

那里那里， 帮到忙就好。em11